


Scrapped Ramblings

by peblezQ



Series: Hamilton Week - Lams Birthday Bash [3]
Category: 18th Century CE RPF, American Revolution RPF, Hamilton - Miranda, Historical RPF
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Drunk Alexander Hamilton, Drunken Confessions, Fluff, Historical Figures, Historical Inaccuracy, Human Disaster Alexander Hamilton, Lams - Freeform, Lams Birthday Bash, Letters, Love Letters, M/M, Prompt Fic, References to Depression, The 18th Century equivalent of Drunk Texting, Unsent letters, Writing, writing letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28568463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peblezQ/pseuds/peblezQ
Summary: Hamilton’s unfinished/drafted letters to John Laurens during their time apart. (Featuring a real letter that was altered to give the impression that it is a previous/unsent draft.)Prompt #3 - Letters/Writing
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens
Series: Hamilton Week - Lams Birthday Bash [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2086494
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34
Collections: Lams Birthday Bash





	Scrapped Ramblings

**Author's Note:**

> This was purposely written to be utterly sloppy at times. I tried my best to make any mistakes that seem like they would be spelling errors by hand rather than my typical typos. It was incredibly difficult to imitate Hamilton's writing but I tried my best. I hope you enjoy!

My Dear[ ~~est] Jack~~ Laurens

It only be the early hours of the morn as I write [to you] but it is quite hot - and yet I am cold without you laying beside me. I most ardently wish that it be with great power over duty that I may have you to myself again but I know that be a selfish proclamation to write upon this page. My heart aches for your presence as my hand aches for a break from writing you letters upon letters that I may never send out of weariness. But know this, my dear, that I will send at least five of these letters to make up for your lack of correspondence.

Although words can never be enough. When I read your letters, I hold them close and could swear I smell your scent upon the page, as if your essence was sent through the ink and gives me such wondrous joy. To read your words ~~however nonsensical your spellings may be~~ has always given me such light - as you are the sun to my moon, for I only shine for you.

I may be selfish to say so but I wish ~~to have you to myself~~ ~~I wish to hold you~~

To hear your voice ~~whispering into my ear late into the night~~ ~~fuck it all to hell~~

~~John, I love you~~

Dear Laurens

I write to you in regard to your previous letter sent to me on the ~~14th and I urge you to~~

I must be honest here. I do not wish to dally and waste your time with a response from a letter you had written to me so long ago. Why don’t you write me often? Do you loathe me? I am sorry if I annoy you with my constant pestering but I ~~cannot hide how I feel for you any longer~~

Why must we be cruelly fated to be as we are? Why did you steal into my affections? I have hopes and dreams but now all I see is your eyes my dear and I smell your essence and I taste your lips upon mine every time I may fall asleep. I sing your name as I curl up between the sheets, praying - yes my god praying - for your safe return so that I may hold you once again.

I make myself act a fool in such a manner but I cannot help it, my dear Laurens, you make me sing! If I had all of the ink in the world I would write to you every waking moment between essays of passion until we may be reunited with an abundance of ~~passion and~~ wit, my love.

I only have a drawing of myself to remember you. I wish you may draw yourself so I may look at you when you not be near to my heart in times like these. I miss you. Damnation! I miss you.

A Hamilton

Laurems my dear

I writ to you on this eve in hope to distract my wandering hands. I fairly admit to the drink I have procured and ingested within the hour my love and only desire your fiery touch upon my skin again to release me from this suffocating want. My dear as I write I think of your eyes. I think of them blown the way mine be when I think of you in such a manner as now.

Jack please ~~come~~ write back to me. ~~Every sip I take from the bottle only damns me to miss you further~~

Laurens

Why have words escaped the moment I writ your name upon this page. As if you steal my thoughts and leave me defenseless and at your complete mercy, my dear. All I can say is fare well, my ~~love~~ friend.

~~To Lt. Col. John Laurens~~

~~I have received news of your imprisonment. I have requested leave to come see you in Philadelphia but was denied. I nearly threw a nearby chair into Washington’s face when he told me such as he has no sense how deeply I miss you and wish for your safety.~~

John Laurens-Hamilton & Alexander Laurens-Hamilton

I had only intended to test how it would appear on paper. You occupy my mind in every moment I breathe. ~~I shall burn this~~

_[DRAFT 1 - Bergen County, New Jersey, September 16, 1780]_

~~My dear Jack~~ Dear Laurens

I wrote you fully by the post and have just time to tell you that I have received your letter of the 8th. & that tomorrow morning I set out with the General for Hartford to an interview with the French General and Admiral. My hopes increase, that Guichen is coming to enable us to act. ~~I admit I do not bother the mind of what I writ now as I so abhorrently worry for you so, my dear, and beg of you to not be one of haste and recklessness as I know you are not an indecent to leave me so.~~ For your own sake, for my sake, for the public sake, I shall pray for the success of the attempt you mention; that you may have it in your power to act with us. But if you should be disappointed, bear it like a man; and have recourse, neither to the dagger, nor to the poisoned bowl, nor to the rope. ~~As I would be un able to bear the thought of~~

~~You must not even dare think upon leaving me so~~

That you can speak only of your private affairs shall be no excuse for your not writing frequently. Remember that you write to your friends, and that friends have the same interests, pains, pleasures, sympathies; and that all men love egotism. ~~I wish that I may be able to~~

In spite of Schuylers black eyes, I have still a part for the public and another for you; so your impatience to have me married is misplaced; a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted than I am now. Let me tell you, that I intend to restore the empire of Hymen and that Cupid is to be his prime Minister. ~~I wrote to you once that you be akin to the sun to my moon as you will always drive my life force; I must away have a place for you.~~ I wish you were at liberty to transgress the bounds of Pensylvania. ~~I wish to have you near. I wish to have your lips upon my~~ I would invite you after the fall to Albany to be witness to the final consummation. My Mistress is a good girl, and already loves you because I have told her you are a clever fellow and my friend; but mind, she loves you a l’americaine not a la françoise. ~~Bien que, tu aies tout mon amour, ma chérie.~~

Adieu, be happy, and let friendship between us be more than a name ~~that separates us through matrimony~~

A Hamilton

~~Be that you must that I will always love~~

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! If you wanna read the actual letter that the last one was supposed to be a "draft" of, here is the link: https://founders.archives.gov/documents/Hamilton/01-02-02-0860
> 
> That letter had the impression that it was probably written hastily as he mentions writing it in/near the post, but people sometimes still drafted rushed letters. Gonna need a little suspension of disbelief here xD I know it is historically inaccurate but hey, that's fanfic for ya, fam ;p


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